If learning, pursuing an education eventually winds down to the few hours scribbling on an exam paper, i would never be more saddened in this area. The excitement and pleasure should stem from the knowledge of new things, discoveries of the little things that compose the universe and ultimately appreciation to the creator. If i would just tone down the importance of that fate-determining certificate (and the stress causing scrambling for that number/alphabet at the last hour) in this proof-indoctrinated world, i would linger longer upon the delight of the “oh!”s and “ah!”s and marvel constantly at the intricacy of the mechanics of the universe, dissembled into millions parts.
That inspires me to be a teacher. To introduce these tiny clockworks of the universe to a fresh mind, palettes to be filled with colours that one eventually use to draw a masterpiece, is an incredible honour. It could be everything/nothing, it’s a responsibility that i would love to be entrusted with.
However, still being a student means i am the absorbent of such great revelations at God’s expense. At each turning of page, i allow myself to be receptive to the things i’m about to find out while falling back to my base, which is built during those gnawing years in classrooms, in solitude, in the “space” where my mind is being kneaded again and again at every addition of knowledge. Nevertheless, there’s one thing that i like about exams- the chance to illustrate one’s brain’s comprehension. And if by answering exam questions, creating a catalogue of the brain’s contents in a particular field, displays misconceptions, i’m willing to “reform” my understanding in that category and demonstrate my spectrum in this field again, as in to reseat for the paper. But right now, after sitting for quite a helpless paper, i take my stance and shoulder full responsibility: i live and die at my own comprehension, academically. Up till now, i stand by my own understanding unless i’m told otherwise, and no matter what the outcome- for or against my understanding, i’m eternally grateful for The Fortress that i’m always able to fall back on.
Allors, c’est la vie.
